I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
