Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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