i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So many bounce houses so little time
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
