i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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