My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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