Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
