It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
no you cant smoke seaweed
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
