Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
