I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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