16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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