Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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