Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
