did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
