Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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