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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
