She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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