I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
