My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
