Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
