Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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