Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
