remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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