She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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