while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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