U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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