Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
