u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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