hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
