Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
