I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
