guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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