I never want to see another naked old woman again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
