I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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