Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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