proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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