apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
