A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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