Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
