I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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