this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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