things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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