Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
