I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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