I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
