I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just high enough for therapy.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
