I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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