i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
