The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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