Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
