I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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